A Father’s Epitaph

It was 1:30am when the phone rang. "He's gone. " She said.

"Ok." I replied. I did not know what else to say.

"At least he did not linger in pain for weeks." She replied

"Praise God for that. I guess I will talk to you tomorrow about the arrangements." I answered.

"Yes, " she said. "Goodnight."

I hung up the phone and went back to bed. Sleep evaded me as my mind traveled back over 50 years of memories with my dad.

   

Dad was born in upstate New York to a hard working German couple. The 5^th of 15 children, family, fun and the farm were the most important things to him. He always considered himself a farm kid which in those days was not saying much. In 1947, he met and married a beautiful southern gal named Bettie Jane Reeves. Though military rules forbade them from fraternizing (she outranked him) that did not stop Dad. He wooed her with his charm and charisma and they married in June of 1947. A daughter was born in 1948, another daughter in 1950, and the first son in 1952. They moved around a lot then and Dad went from job to job. Mom said he always had a bit of wanderlust in him.

   

The promise of a better life and warm winters brought them to California in 1955. Dad took a good job for a chemical company in the San Fernando Valley and a set of twins were born, a boy and a girl, in 1956. Pneumonia took the life of their second son in 1959 which sent both Mom and Dad into a long period of mourning.

   

Dad continued to work at the chemical plant rising to a supervising position over a large crew of men. Mom stayed home to care for the kids which she loved. Joy crept back into their lives when a third son was born in 1961 and a fourth daughter in 1965. Their quiver was definitely full. It was a "Leave to Beaver" life for many years.

   

Dad's job transferred him to a new city but rather than relocate the family he decided to commute. At first he came home every night, then every other night, then only on weekends, then finally not at all. The "Leave to Beaver" life was unraveling. Shortly after their 25^th wedding anniversary, Mom announced that they were divorcing. Dad had begun a relationship with another woman.

   

Life changed dramatically for the three of us still at home. My youngest sister was only 7 at the time, my brother was 11. Mom went back to work and back to school and I became a surrogate mother to my younger siblings at the age of 16. Our childhood memories of dad were few and reduced to some weekend visits, or an occasional letter or phone call.

   

Meanwhile Dad decided to leave his suburban life for something different. He married his second wife and moved to Northern California to begin his own farming business. Perhaps he hoped to relive his carefree days as a farm kid. Unfortunately things did not go as planned. Soon he moved to Oregon to begin another business. When that did not succeed he gave up the dream of self-employment and got a job in the business world in Northern California. After ten years, the second marriage ended and he moved back to the San Fernando Valley and worked whatever jobs he could get. He was lost and un-tethered.

   

By this time all the "kids" were grown and married with kids of their own. Mom had gotten a college degree and was successful computer programmer for an engineering company. She attended a local Baptist church and had a great group of friends. She spent much of her free time enjoying the grandkids and traveling when she could.

Dad's spiritual life was always a big question mark for us. At one time during his second marriage he told me he walked an aisle at a small church and prayed to receive Jesus. However his lifestyle never seemed to match that confession and he had no desire for church.

 After 15 years of being apart my parents remarried in 1987. Mom had forgiven Dad years before and she said that Dad was the only man she had ever loved. She had high hopes that he would start attending church with her. He went a few times, but always got too antsy in church to stay committed to it for too long. However he saw Mom's devotion to the Lord every day. She had a vibrant prayer life and kept her Bible next to her chair at all times. When they relocated to Lancaster, CA, she quickly found a new church and attended it regularly. She began a woman's bible study in the mobile home park where she lived. They lived out their last years together pretty happily. Dad was a good grandfather and was proud of all his kids. He loved Mom immensely and preferred to not talk about the years they spent apart.

   

When Mom passed away suddenly in 2004, Dad was devastated. He talked about wanting to join her constantly. He said that he hoped that she would put in a good word for him. We reminded him that he had to turn to the Lord himself. It was only his own confession of sins and turning to Jesus for salvation that would get him to heaven. We were not sure how much he understood for at the point he was several years into Alzheimer's disease. Dad health continued to decline and he eventually moved in with my brother and his wife. He talked often about reuniting with Mom and how wonderful that would be.

   

In early December Dad went into the hospital for what we thought was Alzheimer's issues. A battery of tests discovered lung cancer which had spread throughout his body. Already frail and battling emphysema, we opted not to do any further treatment. He went into a nursing facility where Hospice treated him and kept him as pain free as possible. Doctors said he had a month or so left.

   

I went to visit Dad in mid-December for several days. Still uncertain as to his spiritual condition I was hoped to talk to him about Jesus. I had mixed emotions going into those visits. Knowing that he was in his last days, I had already begun to grieve for him. I grieved for the father I was about to lose but I also grieved for the father I never had.

   

I prayed that the Lord would allow me to know exactly where he was spiritually. I was surprised to find him relatively coherent even though he kept forgetting that he was in the hospital. We were able to have some good conversations during the two days I visited with him, although his attention wandered a lot. On my last visit with him I opened my Bible and read Psalm 23 to him, it was as if a light came on inside him. He began to talk about the Bible and how wonderful it was. He spoke about how much he loved Mom and how much they both love the Lord. He expressed regret over their divorce. This was the first time I had ever heard him talk about the divorce in over 20 years. I read John 14:1-4 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." We talked about how

Jesus had a home for him in heaven. He made the comment, "Most people don't understand how powerful that scripture is." Then as suddenly as the light came on, if went off and the moment of clarity was gone.

   

Days later, my son told me that he had been praying that the double-edge Sword of God's Word would penetrate the cloudiness of Dad's Alzheimer's. God gave me the answer to my son's prayer.

   

When I said goodbye to Dad that day I knew it would be the last time I would see him this side of heaven. I got into my car and wept over my loss: the loss of my "Leave to Beaver" life those many years ago; the loss of my mom and the rapidly approaching loss of my dad. I was confident that Dad loved the Lord and trusted him as Savior but it bothered me that I did not know when that was.

   

"Lord, I prayed, I just wish I knew when Dad's life with You began." "It matters not when or how it began", the Lord answered, "but how he finishes." The apostle Paul said, "None of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy", Acts 20:24.

   

Those brief hours with my dad were a gift to me from God. The Lord knew that I needed the opportunity to completely forgive my dad for past hurts and assurance of his salvation. He gave all that to me in what ended up being Dad's last coherent hours on earth. He slipped into semi-consciousness the next day and then slipped away to heaven.

   

   

My sister called a few days later. "What should we put on Dad's headstone?" She asked. The Lord gave me the right words. "He finished well."

   

God’s Amazing Gift“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” John 1:14

    

The incarnation—a miracle of God planned from the beginning of time. God knew His creation, man, whom He had lovingly sculptured in His own image, would fall. But God loves man and so He made a way to redeem him. Man's spiritual death would be redeemed by a birth- the birth of God Himself to a lowly, young woman. The incorruptible God entered the world through a corruptible woman.

    He could have come as a man, fully grown, ready to start His ministry. But God chose instead to leave His heavenly world, spend 9 months in the body of a woman, make the arduous, messy journey out of the woman's womb, through the birth canal and into a sinful world. He took the form of a newborn baby, the most helpless of all humans, and at that moment in time, hope entered the world and His name was Jesus.

    He chose as His vehicle a young Jewish girl, Mary, called "highly favored one" by an angel who visits her. She was, as T.S. Eliot says, "the place of impossible union where past and future are conquered and reconciled in incarnation." Mary is the one constant is Jesus' life. She brought Him into the world and watched as death took Him from this world. This "most favored woman" does not question God but presented herself as God's servant and said "let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38) Her faith was simple yet deep. Perhaps she remembered the many Old Testament scriptures that prophesied the Messiah's birth. God had been in fact preparing the world for His arrival since before the world was created. The entire Old Testament is the story of a special preparation.

 

"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel." Isaiah 7:9 2

 

"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times." Micah 5:2

 

"The days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will raise up to David a righteous Branch, a King who will reign wisely and do what is just and right in the land." Jeremiah 23:5

 

The miracle of the incarnation made possible the miracle of salvation. We marvel at how God, the creator of the universe, could become man. Yet we should also marvel at how God could love us so much that He would leave His heavenly throne to become like us. The miracle of Christmas is not just that "the word became flesh and dwelt among us" but that God chose to love us at all. The ancient scholar Irenaeus wrote, "The word of God, Jesus Christ, on account of his great love for mankind, became what we are in order to make us what he is himself."

 

Take time this Christmas season to ponder, wonder, contemplate and reflect on this great love!

"See what an incredible quality of love the Father has given, shown, bestowed on, us, that we should be permitted to be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are!"

I John 3:1 (Amplified Bible).

Have Yourself a Mary Little Christmas

Luke 1:46 And Mary said: "My soul exalts the Lord, And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. "For He has had regard for the humble state of His bond slave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. "For the Mighty One has done great things for me; And holy is His name." AND HIS MERCY IS UPON GENERATION AFTER GENERATION TOWARD THOSE WHO FEAR HIM. "He has done mighty deeds with His arm; He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart. "He has brought down rulers from their thrones, and has exalted those who were humble. "HE HAS FILLED THE HUNGRY WITH GOOD THINGS; and sent away the rich empty-handed." He has given help to Israel His servant, in remembrance of His mercy, As He spoke to our fathers, To Abraham and his descendants forever."

Christmas time, more than any other time of year, should be a time for worship. One of the most magnificent passages of praise and worship is found in Luke chapter 1.

In this chapter, the angel Gabriel visits Mary following his appearance to Zechariah. He tells her that she has been chosen to be the mother of Jesus who would be great and called the Son of the Most High. What's more he would be given the throne of his father David and would reign over the house of Jacob forever in a kingdom that would never end. When Mary asks, "How will this be?" Gabriel reveals that it would be because the Holy Spirit would make it so; the son the virgin would bear would be the Son of God. Mary showed great humility and piety in her response, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."

Mary embarks on a three-day journey to visit her cousin Elizabeth. She traveled eighty to one hundred miles from Nazareth to the hill country of Judah. Mary enters the home and greets Elizabeth. At the sound of Mary's voice, Elizabeth's baby, John the Baptist, leaps in his mother's womb. Filled with the Holy Spirit, Elizabeth immediately knows that Mary is carrying the Christ-child, God's son. Elizabeth rejoices that God would find her worthy and honor her with a visit from the mother of the Lord. She is amazed at God's involvement in her life.

Meanwhile, Mary is unable contain her joy! She worships God in song expressing her praise to him for what he has done to her and what he would do for believing Israel as well as all those who fear him.

This song of praise is called the Magnificat. Found in Luke 1:46-55, it is a beautiful, magnificent song of praise and worship to the Mighty God. Mary knew she was blessed. Not because of anything she had done, but because of what God had done. She says in verse 48, generations to generations will count her blessed because of her son and His greatness. Eugene Peterson's The Message, Mary praises God saying,

"I'm the most fortunate woman on earth! What God has done for me will never be forgotten."

How easy it is for us, even at Christmas time, to forget what God has done for us. Our live are hurried and hectic and we rarely take the time to praise God for who He is.

Psalm 95:1-7 says Oh come, let us sing to the LORD! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the LORD is the great God, And the great King above all gods. In His hand are the deep places of the earth; The heights of the hills are His also.

The sea is His, for He made it; And His hands formed the dry land. Oh come, let us worship and bow down; Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. For He is our God, And we are the people of His pasture, And the sheep of His hand."

This is the essence of true worship. We worship God for who He is and what He has done for us.

….His mercy flows in wave after wave on those who are in awe before him. …He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high." Luke 1:50, 54 The Message

When we consider God's mercy of our lives, how it flows in on us wave after wave; how God piles it on high; we too should be like Mary, unable to contain our joy and be filled with worship and praise to Mighty God.

A Season of Waiting

Winter is a season when the whole earth is in a waiting period. The grapes have been harvested and the vines are bare. The almond trees are void of leaves and buds. The summer wheat has been baled and stored in the barns. It is as if the world is asleep waiting to be awakened in spring.

   

Winter is a time of waiting for us as well. Children await the arrival of Christmas day and the promise of gifts galore. Adults anticipate time with family and friends, warmed by the joy of Christmas.

   

Waiting is something we do not do well in the 21^st century. We are used to getting what we want as soon as we want it. We can get in touch with people instantly through email, cell phone, and text messaging. We feel that by waiting we are wasting time and being unproductive.

   

God is in the waiting business. His waiting is an active waiting not passive. The earth externally appears to be dormant, but internally it is being revitalized and reborn. Like His creation in winter which patiently, eagerly waits for the warmth and new life of spring, we wait for God to do His work in us. But this waiting takes patience.

   

The word patience comes from the Latin verb patior which means "to suffer." Waiting often feels like suffering to us, but it means to suffer through the present moment, in order to experience the joy and fulfillment of the future.

   

Winter is the perfect time for Advent, a time of waiting in expectation of the celebration of the birth of Jesus the Messiah. With awe and wonder we wait for His arrival with great longing. We marvel at the mystery of the incarnation; God becoming man in a baby. The miracle of the incarnation made possible the miracle of salvation. Yet we should also marvel at how God could love us so much that He would leave His heavenly throne to become like us. The miracle of Christmas is not just that "the word became flesh and dwelt among us" but that God chose to love us at all. The ancient scholar Irenaeus wrote, "The word of God, Jesus Christ, on account of his great love for mankind, became what we are in order to make us what he is himself."

   

Advent is also a time to reflect on the promise of Jesus' second coming as well. Hebrews says Jesus "will appear a second time…to save those who are eagerly waiting for him." This waiting actively anticipates the return of Christ. As believers we are to wait with expectation. Just as our children wait for the good gifts their parents give them, we eagerly await the good gifts God has for us at His return. While we wait we are to be busy preparing the fertile soil of our hearts for His return. We are to be sowing seeds of the Gospel message in the hearts of others. We are to be busy in our waiting.

   

God beckons us to a place of stillness, quiet, and reflection during the Christmas season, for it is in the stillness that we most clearly see His presence and hear His voice. May you experience the intimate, amazing love and overwhelming grace of our Heavenly Father through the celebration of the birth of his Son, Jesus, this Advent season.

   

"The season of Advent means there is something on the horizon the likes of which we have never seen before… .What is possible is to not see it, to miss it, to turn just as it brushes past you. And you begin to grasp what it was you missed, like Moses in the cleft of the rock, watching God's [back] fade in the distance. So stay. Sit. Linger. Tarry. Ponder. Wait. Behold. Wonder. There will be time enough for running. For rushing. For worrying. For pushing. For now, stay. Wait. Something is on the horizon."

   

Jan L. Richardson, Night Visions: Searching the Shadows of Advent and Christmas

   

   

Where do you go to quench your thirst?

The Swine flu has finally visited our house this last week, and my husband was the recipient. It hit him quite hard with a high fever and extreme body aches which made it painful for him to move let alone get out of bed. My daughters and I took turns making sure he had fluids to drink and anything else he needed. However one day we all happened to be gone and he needed some water to drink. He frantically texted all of us asking for some cold water to quench his thirst, but none of us were home at the time. He had to decide whether to muster up his strength to go to the kitchen to get a drink or wait for one of us to come home. (we live in a very tall Victorian house and the kitchen seems a long way from the bedroom when you are ill). I think he padded down the hall to the bathroom for some tap water to alleviate some of his thirst. He was grateful when I returned home and brought him a tall glass of ice cold water for his parched throat.

Here in the U.S. we always have access to ample supplies of water for drinking. Most of us do not what it is like to have an unquenched thirst. In Jesus' day, water was life to the people of Israel. It was vital to their existence as people and as a nation. Without the modern ways of transporting water, they were dependent on water from wells, rivers, and springs. So when Jesus stood in the town centre one day and shouted to the crowd, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink," he was talking in a way that baffled the people. How could someone get water from a man? Then he added, "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,' Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" And then they understood.

Jesus always chose the most poignant times to teach the Jewish people and his disciples the life lessons he wanted them to learn. This particular lesson came on the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles.

It was a weeklong festival designed to remind the Jews of their desert wanderings with Moses and the Lord's provision for them. They spent the week living in shacks or booths meant to remind them of their time in the desert. Grandfathers and fathers retold the tale of how Moses struck the rock in the desert with the Rod of God and water gushed forth to quench the thirst of millions. Then each day the priest would lead a procession from the Pool of Siloam to the temple. Another priest would fill a golden pitcher with water from the pool and carry it to the temple through the Water Gate. There he would ceremoniously pour the water onto the altar, while the people sang psalms. On the seventh day, they would do this ceremony seven times. (Ezek. 47:1-7; Zech. 13:1).

It is in the context of this highly religious and symbolic week that Jesus makes the pronouncement that He is the water that the people need. No longer do they need to look to the priest, or the law, or the religious leaders for their water. They need only look to him.

There is a soul-thirst in all of us that seeks to be quenched. But like the crowd in Jesus' day, we often seek to satisfy our thirst with other things. We turn to the media, entertainment, relationships, and even "religion" to fulfill our desires. As spiritual dehydration sets in we take it up a notch and frantically seek for something to quench our thirst, yet nothing fulfills.

Jesus is all we need to satisfy our thirst. When we believe in Him and drink up His Word is it like a tall glass of ice cold water to our parched throats. As we continue to drink in all that He has for us, we become satisfied and we can then pour out rivers of blessing to others.

Are you thirsty? Jesus invites you to come; come thirsty.

   

Five Little Loaves and Two Little Fish

In John 6, tells the story of Jesus teaching before a crowd of 20,000 or more people. They listen to him all day until it is almost nightfall. His disciples get worried because there is no food for the people and they are getting hungry. Jesus challenges the disciples, Philip in particular, to come up with a solution to their problem. Philip comments that they do not have any food nor enough money to feed these people. Andrew finds a small boy with a tiny basket of food, five barley loaves and two small fish. But even Andrew acknowledges that it is not enough to supply the need.

Jesus takes the provisions that they have, instructs the disciples on how to organize the crowd, (in groups of 50 and 100 and sitting on the grass), and gives thanks to God the Father for the blessing of their small basket of food. He then proceeds to feed all of the people until they are full; fuller than they have ever been. The leftovers are gathered and there is enough for each disciple to have a doggie bag for their next road trip.

Jesus uses an insignificant little boy (he is always partial to children) with insufficient resources to demonstrate that our significance and our sufficiency are to be found only in Him. Oh what amazing things Jesus can do with us and through us but he requires several things. We must first recognize our inability to do anything in our own power. We must recognize our powerlessness. Second, we must give everything we have over to Him. Third, we must obey His commands; doing whatever he instructs us to do, and expectedly thank God for what he will provide for us, and do through us. When we obediently take our five loaves and two fishes and place them in Jesus hands, He multiplies our gifts and uses them to feed a hungry world.

Through God’s Eyes

When Susan Boyle stepped onto the stage of the show "Britain's Got Talent" a few weeks ago, she was immediately dismissed by the judges because of her dowdy, frumpy appearance. She wore a matronly dress, her hair was untamed, and she looked older than her 47 years. Skepticism and a bit of contempt were on the judges faces as they awaited her performance. When Susan began her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from the musical "Les Miserables," the judges faces of contempt turned to shock, awe, and then actual joy. All during her performance, Simon Cowell, known for his blunt and often controversial criticisms, was actually grinning. Since her debut that night, the YouTube clip of Susan's performance has been viewed by over 50 million people world-wide.

Susan grew up poor in a small Scottish village with her parents and 8 brothers and sisters. Bullied throughout her school years because of a learning disability, she retreated to her private world of music. In her later years, she has devoted herself to caring for her ailing mother and volunteering at her Catholic Parish.

By the world's standards Susan has led an unremarkable life. Yet because of the opportunity to share her great gift of singing on British television, her life has already had an impact on the world, and most likely will continue to do so.

The Old Testament tells the story of another person who knew what it was liked to be judged by outward appearances. In the book of 1 Samuel, the prophet Samuel travels to the house of Jesse in the town of Bethlehem to anoint the new king at the Lord's instructions. Samuel takes one look at Jesse's eldest son Eliab and says, "Surely this is the LORD's anointed."

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Each one of Jesse's seven sons was presented to Samuel and all were rejected by God. It was not until the youngest son, David, bursts into the house, smelling like sheep and with a ruddy appearance that God says, "This is the one; anoint him." What David lacked in physical appearance, he made up for by having a heart that belonged wholly to God.

It is easy to judge people based on their outward appearance. We all do it, and yet we do not want to be judged in the same way.

My friend Debbie has something in common with Susan Boyle. She knows what it is like to be judged harshly because of appearance. A car accident at the age of twelve left her with a physical disability and a speech impediment. She is talented and smart; however her talents are not as pronounced as Susan's. She will never be on You Tube or the BBC. She loves to sing but will never audition for Simon Cowell either in the United States or Britain.

Debbie's greatest talent is her service. Though walking is a challenge for her because of her disability, she arrives each Thursday afternoon between 1pm and 2pm to fold bulletins; sometimes walking here from across town. She and I spend about an hour together each week folding the bulletin and chatting about life, her love of cats, and whatever the headlines of the day may be. Week by week, piece by piece, she has unfolded her story for me. She can be a bit distrustful of people because the mistreatment she has received over the years. Yet she has come to trust me and I look forward to her visits each week.

I have learned a lot from Debbie in the years she has been volunteering. She is patient and persevering. Though the stares and taunts of others are hurtful to her, she continues to go about her life finding joy in serving others; both people and animals. She has taught me that everyone has worth and value in God's eyes, and hidden talents can be discovered in others if we but take the time to uncover them.

John 7:24 : "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment."